The Epic-er Love Story of Sam and Dean
by WhyamIdoingthisdeargod
Summary: In a world that tries to tell you that Sam and Dean wanna do each other because of ridiculously over dramatized and mostly non-existent subtext, one author tries to maintain the sanity of it all by being kind of rude and making fun of those people (sorry).


For those wondering, this is a story written for my writing class. After doing a research paper on Supernatural and its fandom, I couldn't help but write a parody of Sam and Dean slash fiction as part of on of our last assignments, satirizing the plot lines that I find are usually silly and straight out of left field, along with mocking the idea of this "powerful, homoerotic, incestuous" subtext that I still have trouble seeing and, tbh, seems like a bit of a stretch to me. That being said, I do respect those of you that have the opinion that they are made to be together or whatever else you choose to write about, I don't care either way what you believe, your business is your business. Without further ado, here is a little piece I wrote in my college library, nervousl glancing over my shoulder every six seconds thinking "god, don't let someone I know come in here."

Enjoy.

* * *

"It's not going to fit," Sam grunted out in effort to his older brother, "It's just too big!"

"Push harder then, Sammy!" Dean shot back, breathing deeply himself from how tired he was, "I know the limits of my baby."

Sam cursed inwardly. He knew that this plan wasn't going to work. He knew it wouldn't work the second the Impala broke down and Dean had suggested they hide it in the nearby abandoned garage, which was far too slim for the Impala's wide frame. He also knew, though that they had no other choice. They had to do something to escape the ménage-a-trois of demons chasing after them, and Dean couldn't leave his car in the open for potential vandals to destroy.

"This is a waste of time," Sam shouted, exasperated, "what use is this car going to be if we're both dead?"

"Oh no, I'm not leaving my baby exposed to get wrecked by any teenage dick that happens to come by," Dean said, shaking his head, while wiping the sweat from his manly forehead, "now quit whining and pu- hey where are you going?"

Sam had already begun walking away into the forest. If Dean wanted to sit in the open and get killed, that was his business, but Sam was going to at least try to keep lookout so they'd be ready if they're enemies came to try and penetrate their defenses. Sam flinched inwardly, pulling down his shirt collar to examine the, now completely burnt over, anti-possession symbol on his shoulder. He and Dean were vulnerable since Crowley had almost killed them in his last attack, and now any demon that wanted to could bend them over and force themselves inside of them at their whim.

"He there, Moose."

Sam spun quickly to see Crowley with his hand raised. Suddenly, Sam flew into a tree where he was pinned, completely helpless and at Crowley's mercy. "D-," he starts to call out, hoping for Dean to come to the rescue like the knight in shining armor he is, but Crowley quickly silences Sam with another flick of his wrist. Sam grunted and moaned with effort as Crowley held him down.

"Here's how this is going to go, Moosey," Crowley teases as he walks closer to his helpless victim, "I love playing with you and Squirrel over there- I'm guessing that's him I hear?" Crowley lifted his hand to his ear as Dean suddenly curses his black beauty, "Damn it! Why are you so big?" Crowley smiles and resumes his tease, "so here's how this is going to work," he lowers Sam's collar with the sensuality of a hungry lion, "I'm going to hop on inside of you, since this nasty little thing is away, and we're gonna play with your brother a bit. Sound fun?" Crowley smirks seductively, as his black smoke comes out and enters Sam, slowly at first before roughly penetrating his lungs. Crowley's old body falls as Sam's, now filled with Crowley, hits the ground.

"Hmmm, smaller than I expected," Crowley said, now with Sam's voice. Meanwhile, Sam screamed in pain in his mind as he realized what it meant that Crowley was inside of him. He watched through his own eyes as Crowley pulled out the demon knife from Sam's jacket, "and that's bigger than I thought, this should be fun," Sam's eyes gleamed.

The knife clutched in one hand, Crowley-Sam began to walk back to the Impala. Dean came into view and Sam did everything he could to fight against Crowley's control. "Sorry, Moose, no safe word this time," said Crowley as he felt Sam fight back. Sam realized he was powerless. He hated that Crowley was going to tease him like this, make him watch as he slowly did the deed, waiting as long as possible for the climax. Crowley had finally dominated Sam and Dean, and all the pressure that had built between the three of them was going to erupt. "The hell?" Crowley-Sam said, as he reached the Impala. Dean was nowhere in sight.

"I'm sorry, Sammy," Dean said quietly, but with power, from behind. Crowley-Sam suddenly felt a cylindrical object thrust into him from behind where he heard the voice, and looked down to see an angel blade sticking through his chest. Crowley gasped, taking slight pleasure from the pain that he knew would kill him, giving Sam enough time to take control for a moment and stutter out, "ag-again D-Dean, harder!" Dean pulled out the knife and thrust it back into his little brother, certain that the tears streaming down his face were acting as a lubricant for the knife.

"I love you, Sam," Dean choked out in a whisper, as he continued to push deeper into his brother over and over again.  
Sam fell down, and let out one last, deep breath, a smile on his face from what his brother had just done to him.


End file.
